The little boy’s face is exquisite. The first thing that catches your attention is his large green blue eyes. They look like the universe when you look into them. His skin is smooth and soft like a peeled boiled egg. His tiny red lips stand out brightly against his alluring complexion. His straight nose sits nicely in the middle of his heart shaped face. He has the most symmetrical face there is.
When he smiles, it’s the sweetest thing you’ll see all day. It’s impossible to take your eyes off him. His shyness makes him lower his head and serves to highlight his already mesmerising eyes when he looks up at you. He is eight years old. His name is Tommy.
Tommy is small for his age. He may be the smallest boy in his class but he’s also the brightest. Tommy is more than bright. He has a photographic memory. He could count to a hundred in multiple languages before he turned two. He can remember any phone numbers after seeing them just once. If you make any smart ass comments in his presence, he’ll use them against you. He is always listening. You have to be real careful when you speak in front of him.
When it comes to toys, he doesn’t just play with them. He gets into them like an adult will in a hobby. He obsesses about that toy for quite a long time before he moves on to his next obsession. By the end of each phase, he will know everything there is to know about that area of interest. Right now, he is into world wrestling. He knows every fighter, every game, every rule and every move. When he plays with his action figures, he provides commentary just like the broadcasters do, including the American accent.
Tommy is fun to be with. He actively engages you in his interests and will include you. He wants to tell you all about what he knows. Most adults are taken by him. However, his peers are less accepting. It’s difficult for Tommy to connect with other children his age. Although Tommy is superior in his intellect, he is underdeveloped in regulating his emotions. Most troubling is his hyper vigilance and lack of impulse control.
‘Ahhhhh!’ Tommy screams and runs to hang on to his mother when he sees a dog fifty metres away on the other side of the road walking towards them.
‘It’s okay. The dog is miles away and it’s on a leash. It’s fine. You’re fine.’
Tommy’s mother, Lucy, tries to soothe Tommy and untangle him from her grocery shopping bags when he suddenly stops moving forward.
‘Nooooo. Stop. I am not walking any further.’ Tommy stomps his feet.
‘Sweetie, it’s okay. They are on the other side of the road. They are not coming our way. Come on, let’s go.’
Tommy refuses to budge and tries harder to hang on to his mother’s arm. He tugs and pulls in order to hide himself behind her. The grocery bags dig into Lucy’s fingers and she struggles to maintain her balance.
‘Tommy, STOP IT! You are too old to be doing this. We need to get going.’
Lucy feels her irritation rising from her chest. She needs to be home by 6pm for a teleconference call. She has made arrangements to leave work early today to pick Tommy up from school so that she can be home for the call.
She hates having to leave work early or having to take personal leave. None of her colleagues have children. They show up to the office everyday; they are available for overtime or weekend work; and they can take the conference calls from the office. They are younger than her, more energetic than her and has more flexibility. Each time she asks to be accommodated, she feels a sense of guilt and inadequacy. Mostly, she feels insecure. She needs her job. Her estranged husband will take Tommy from her if she makes any missteps. He is watchful and he will do that with glee.
Tommy watches the progress of the dog across the road and grows more anxious as the dog and its owner get closer. He pulls tighter on Lucy making her lose her grip on one of the grocery bags. Boxes and bags of grocery items fall out onto the street.
‘Oh look what you’ve done!’ Lucy spoke through gritted teeth.
Lucy pushes Tommy away as she bends down to retrieve the items. Tommy turns down his lips and begins to cry. Tears came out of his beautiful eyes and before you know it, his face is wet with tears and snots. He wipes them with his hands and then wipes his hands on his school uniform.
Lucy sighs. She feels like crying too. She has ten minutes before her call starts.
The dog and its owner keeps walking on the other side of the road oblivious to the angst that their presence is causing Tommy. Tommy has re-clamped himself onto Lucy and there is nothing that she can do but to wait for them to pass.
Tommy peeps at the dog from behind Lucy. Eventually, the dog and the owner walk past them on the other side of the road. Tommy lets go Lucy. Without wasting another second, Lucy walks on and Tommy follows unhappily behind her with his turned down lips. After a few steps, Lucy turns to look at her son with mixed emotions. She is so mad at him for being so irrational and immature. But she is also super proud of him. She knows he is special. He is everything to her.
Lucy walks as fast as she can. She can see their house now. She glances at her watch and she has four minutes to get inside, put down the groceries, turns on her laptop, finds the conference code and password to get on the call. She reaches for her keys and put one into the lock. It doesn’t turn. Wrong one. Lucy makes a mental note to label them next chance she gets.
The trouble is that these chances just don’t happen. The chances to make improvements, to change things. She has one thing after the next to attend to. There’s Tommy, work work, Tommy, housework, and then the most draining of all, dealing with Tommy’s father.
Lucy has once thought that a divorce would mean liberation. She now knows that the abuse and manipulation don’t stop with physical separation. They continue remotely and insidiously. They can even get into her head and influence her every thought, choice and action. She has to think through everything that she does to not incur his wrath.
The power lies in the words themselves. They don’t have to be delivered in the face through spits, yelling and screaming. SMS works just fine. You’re a bad mother. You have ruined this family. You are abandoning your son in pursuit of your own pleasures. You don’t love your son. I will take you to court.
The abusive messages come in a torrent like a burst dam. All it takes is she doing anything outside of her routine. Perhaps a night out with colleagues. Perhaps having a male friend over the dinner. Even having her mother over can trigger the abuse. Tommy doesn’t know how to lie or keep secrets. He tells it as it is to his father every time he asks.
As Lucy tries to find the right key, she is taking too long. Tommy becomes anxious and starts to panic. He bursts into tears.
‘Oh no, we are locked out. I want to go home. I want to get inside,’ he cries out loud.
‘Tommy, it’s okay. I have the keys and we’re not going to get locked out. There is no need to panic. Just give me a minute please!’
Finally, Lucy opens the door with great relief. She is now late though. She ushers Tommy inside and drops her bags of groceries on the floor. She swings open her laptop and starts her call. Tommy helps himself to the pantry and has free rein to any snacks within his reach.
An hour later, the call finishes and Lucy is exhausted. She is also famished. She goes over to Tommy to check on him. He is playing with his action figures with greasy hands. Chocolate stains cover his mouth, face and his uniform. Crumbs of chips and biscuits lie on the carpet around him.
‘Tommy, what do you want for dinner?’ Lucy asks anyway even though she knows that Tommy won’t eat a thing based on the junk that he has already consumed. But she has to try to get some nutrients into him.
‘I don’t know.’
‘How about some chicken schnitzel?’
‘Whatever.’
Lucy makes chicken schnitzel and Tommy doesn’t want any.
‘Come on Tommy, just eat the two bites on your plate please?’
‘No I’m full,’ Tommy gets up from the table to return to his spot with the action figures.
‘Tommy, you have to eat something. You need proper food’.
‘No, I don’t. I don’t want any.’
‘Tommy, just one bite?’
‘No.’
Lucy gives up. She knows that it’s her fault today. If she has started cooking dinner earlier, Tommy would not be able to eat so much junk. She resigns to accepting the situation and starts to clean up.
‘Tommy, can you bring me your lunch box from your school bag please? I need to clean it and pack your lunch for tomorrow.’
Tommy ignores her and continues to play with his action figures.
‘Tommy, I am talking to you. Can you bring me your lunch box please?’
‘No, I’m not doing it.’
‘Tommy, we go through this every night. It’s not too much to ask. You’re eight years old. You can get your lunch box out of your school bag and bring it to me to clean.’
‘No, I’m not doing it.’
‘Come on, you’re not a little kid anymore. You need to help out.’
‘I don’t care.’
‘What do you mean you don’t care. If you don’t bring your lunch box to me right now, I’m taking away your iPad.’
‘No, you can’t do that.’ Tommy stops playing and looks up for the first time. Not the iPad. He is paying attention now. He takes a closer look at his mother’s face to gauge her intention.
‘Yes I can take your iPad unless you bring your lunch box to me now!’
‘No, I’m not doing it and you can’t take my iPad. I need it.’
‘Oh yes I can and I will.’
She means it. Tommy moves over to where his iPad lies. But Lucy gets to it first and puts it high up above the fridge.
Tommy wails.
‘Give me back my iPad!’
‘No. You won’t do what I ask you to. Therefore, you won’t get your iPad back tonight. If you behave now, you can have it back tomorrow.’
‘Give me my iPad back, you fucking bitch!’
‘WHAT DID YOU SAY?’
‘I said give me my iPad back you fucking bitch.’
Lucy freezes. It’s not the first time she has heard Tommy use the F word. He has been using it in increasing frequency of late. Like the S word, she figures that he will eventually get tired of it. It’s just attention seeking. But he has never directed the F word at her. It’s always just been an object.
Hurt, shock and rage fill Lucy. She wants to grab Tommy and smacks him so hard that he will learn how to respect her. But she can’t. She can never place a hand on him. His father will make sure that she never sees Tommy again if she does anything like that. Tommy will tell on her.
‘I can’t believe you said that Tommy. This is unacceptable.’
‘I can say whatever I like because you have taken my iPad. It’s mine. You need to give it back.’
‘No it is not yours. I bought it.’
‘I don’t fucking care. It’s mine and you can’t take that from me.’
Tommy grabs a chair and attempts to smash it at the couch. The chair is too heavy for his little body however. He tries his best and he manages to ram it into the couch instead.
‘That’s enough. If you continue with this behaviour, you will lose access to your iPad for another day. It’s up to you. If you start to behave now and you will have it back tomorrow. The longer you carry on, the longer you don’t get your iPad.’
‘But I need my iPad and I need it tonight.’
‘What you need is to get into a shower and get ready for bed. ’
‘If I have my shower now, can I get my iPad back?’
‘No, you have behaved very badly tonight.’
‘Then I’m not having my shower.’
‘This is not how it works. We are not negotiating.’
‘I want my iPad.’ Tommy cries and thrashes on the carpet.
‘You need to take your shower. Do you want to look like this at school tomorrow?’
‘I don’t care. I want my iPad.’
But Tommy cares. He cares about what others think of him. He wants to look good in front of his peers. He thinks for a bit and he reluctantly hops into the shower.
Once Lucy hears the water run, she crashes on her couch and closes her eyes. She wants to have a little cry but she is too tired to even cry.
A few minutes later, Tommy comes out of the shower wrapped in a towel. He looks like an angel again. With eyes still red from crying, he comes up to Lucy and speaks softly to her. He is as gentle as he has ever been. He is adorable.
‘Mum, can I have my iPad now?’ Tommy tilts his head.
‘No, not tonight.’
‘When can I get it back?’ Tommy looks pleading at his mother.
‘It depends on how you behave. If you behave from now on, you can have it back tomorrow.’
‘But I really want it now,’ Tommy continues in his gentle tone and climbs into the couch and snuggles up to Lucy.
‘No, Tommy. You can’t’
‘Can I sleep on your bed tonight?’ He rests his little face on Lucy’s neck.
‘No Tommy. You sleep on your own bed.’
‘But I sleep better with you.’
‘You may. But I don’t sleep well with you in my bed. You kick and you wake me up.’
‘Mum, I really want to sleep with you. I miss you when I sleep on my own bed. I love you Mum.’
‘I love you too,’ Lucy sighs and strokes his neck.
‘I love you more.’ Tommy snuggles closer.
Lucy is too tired to have another argument. She knows that he won’t sleep until she relents. He is a stubborn boy.
‘Fine. Sleep on my bed tonight.’
Lying in bed, Lucy looks at Tommy by her side. He is the most beautiful boy. Then a chill runs through her.
This is exactly what his father does. He will behave atrociously and then apologises for his actions afterwards. He will turn into an angel and shower her with affection. He will promise to change. He will become the man she is proud of. He will make her the happiest woman on earth.
Tommy gives out a little sigh as he turns to sleep on his back. His angelic face has no care in the world.
